I encourage submissive males to look for spiritual guidance to helping them understand and accept ther submissive tendencies and nature.  Now that the truth of your sexuality has been discovered and is known, pray to a Goddess about how you can deal with your issues and live authentically. 

Do not continue the heartache for you or your loved ones to continue a repressed life lived in denial.  Seek guidance so that you will gain the courage to live true to your identity and be who it is you are.  So I urge you to not live with or have fears that cause you to be repressed and live a life that is in denial of your true self and identity.   Do not avoid what is awakening within.  There is a deep Spirituality of Sex that can be enjoyed with a Woman who knows and understands your secret desires. 

Make the Confession

Whether latent or overt, submissive sexuality tendencies and desires must be acknowledged and confessed to the Female Partner.  If this does not happen, these issues will only intensify and will likely become exposed, detected or revealed at an inopportune time.  In the pursuit of truth follow all lines of inquiry no matter how painful they might be.  Once the confession or disclosures are made, you will be better and your life will change in many of the directions that you choose.  It goes without saying that life will never be the same for either partner once the disclosure and confession has been made.  Although the relationship has changed, it is now what exists to have the opportunity for both partners to accept the outcome and grow farther beyond.  This is not automatic but becomes a possibility. 

The act of confession is a difficult fut critical step for the submissive male to take in order that he can begin to live authentically and begin to experience the benefits that can only then be realized by both partners.  It's not easy, but you can do it.  It is tremendously unfair to conceal one's true identity and submissive sexuality from your partner, especially within the context of a Marriage.  During the period of concealment, many submissives try to transfer and put blame on their sexual problems upon their partner by accusing them of being oversexed, undersexed or frigid

Once the confession is made, it typically takes at least one year to resolve how the sexuality issues will be addressed going forward.  This is a difficult step and often as things are worked through additional admissions and disclosures are revealed of having participated in clandestine and secretive sex.  In an earlier generation, such disclosures would have meant the end of the relationship.  But today there are plausible new arrangements that can be worked towards.  If the submissive male has genuine hetrosexual feelings and accepts the changes necessary by working toward a new relationship model and can empathize with what his partner is going through the relationship can evolve to a new stage and level of what had been previously possible.  Some Women will not be able to reconcile their feelings in terms of the sexual and romantic issues and may chose to end the relationship at this point. 

Sexuality falls along a continuum.  The submissive male who is primarily hetrosexual will seek a relationship with a Female, which is the reason he got into the marriage in the first place.  The process to working things out however is not without difficulty and requires considerable patience.  Typically two or more years are required to deal with the many issues of identity, integrity, family configuration, social relationships and beliefs.

Creative Marriage ~ Female-Led         

After my husband made his confession, I was not entirely certain where we would end up.  However, I knew where we would go.  In my case I chose to adopt the Matriarchy model.  There are many models to chose from, however this model is one that is truly Female-Led at its core.  Additionally, because I am naturally Dominant I wanted control of all aspects of the relationship.  My submissive male had not been honest with me about his submissive sexual identity, so it was essential that I was in the lead role to establish new rules.  I wanted to keep my family together and knew this was the best solution for me to meet that objective.  

I did not have a map, but I knew we needed to step off the traditional path and go in an entirely new direction.  The decison may have been risky, but I did not see it that way as our 'traditional marriage' was already undone and taking a new and creative approach could only serve to set us on a new path with the hope of a deeper relationship as the outcome.  I wanted a richer and more spiritual connection based on intimacy, trust, recognition, and sexual satisfaction that was focused on me.  Our marriage had been challenging all along and I was ready for taking on the next challenge.  Additionally, I had the courage, creativity and resources to implement my alternative, a Female-Led relationship. 

To get to this point, I had to come to terms with the inevitable disappointment with my romantic view of what a marriage should be.  With this understanding I began to appreciate the good parts of our relationship and understand the parts I could not change.  And then I had to figure out what am was going to do to make this all work and then ensure that I had the commitment from my male to making the new relationship model work. 

The challenges are real and the fears and tears are too.  What if it doesn't work?  This is not about living in fantasy.  This is about living in reality.  Because of the efforts I have made, I am now experiencing the unexpected joy of having created and continuing to create the relationship in the ways that I want it to be.  Additionally, it is inspiring to be with someone who is hungry for becoming who he is becoming.  Marriage is not the answer, it is a riddle that is constantly before us.  It is a mystery of two people coming together and also about letting each go their own way.  We are now doing now what works for us, without the social scripts, rules and conventions that are binding to a relationship truly developing and being what it can be.

A Female-Led relationship is about doing things differently, and is a revitalization.  The current model of marriage is distinctly Western and is not one that should be followed just because our parents or grandparents lived that way.  Marriage should be a flexible institution and that is all about achieving and realizing 'modern love.'  Achieving 'modern love' is all about the Power to Change. 

Fetish Desires

If your deepest desires do not hurt anybody, or interfere with your faith and your relationship with God, there is nothing to be ashamed of.   God never gave us a manual on human sexuality....only guidelines to get us through the journey of life.  Truly get in touch with your God, and then in the spirit of ritual fullfill your deepest desires and enjoy your sexual practices.  Do whatever fulfills you.  I think that God is pretty flexible when it comes to our human relationships....only when your behavior becomes destructive, or interferes with your relationship or your ability to evolve as a person, should you be concerned.  I personally like to believe that one of the reasons God instituted marriage was to allow us to have a format within which to express what's inside of us with complete trust and without inhibitions.

Sex can be about many things, from an expression of hate or anger, to an expression of neediness, to an expression of love, and everything in between. The single common factor in all sexual contact is that it is emotionally expressive.  Many fetish desires are conditioned, toward a certain behavior or object is associated with the expression of an emotion.  The hard part for many is simply identifying that emotion and finding other ways of expressing it (if finding alternatives is the intention).  Trying to suppress emotions (or fetishes) doesn't work.  It is not healthy and the guilt creates a self-perpetuating cycle.  The shame builds, and acting out the fetish temporarily distracts from the shame while adding to it in the long-run.  Some may argue that a fetish and an obsession are two different things, but from what I have seen, a fetish is simply an obsession in the making.

Fetish desires can be about returning to the feelings of guilt, perhaps returning to your childhood and trying to resolve issues which you didn't have the ability to resolve at the time.  Take the time to assess your needs at your current stage in life and evaluate your desires by learning to honestly and verbally express your emotions.  This is not easy to do, howeveronce the discovery is made you will not be acting out on unrecognized emotions.

Personally, I believe it's healthy to express one's emotions.  Our emotions can take us down many paths, but understanding who we are and seeking to discover speeds the process toward true understanding of the the origin of our desires and tendencies.  Learn to express yourself with openess and honesty and the origins of behavior can be discovered.  In addition to learning honest emotional expression, it is essential to realize that humanity is filled with contradiction....good, evil, darkness, light, love, hatred, etc.  Accepting that God is the all-encompassing, sole Creator of this Universe, it goes without reasoning that EVERYTHING in the Universe, both good and evil, is rooted in the Divine creator.